NORTHFIELD ­- A semi-official report on the driving skills of Northfield residents was released today by a local independent special-interest group. A group made up of three members of Hunt & Gun Club Local #301 say they have had enough. They are fed up with the inadequate driving skills of folks in this town and they are taking public awareness into their own hands.

“We set up in our lawn chairs on the corner of Woodley and Division two Saturday night’s in a row and started keeping tabs on stop violations,” said Bob Slingan. “Ernie kept a tick sheet of waver-on-er’s as he calls them, Brian kept track of those dead stops, where no one is willing to go first, and I just counted the farmer stops (rolling stops). We started around 8pm and kept going until the “Old Swill” was gone.”

The following day, when the headache were gone, they would tally up the ticks. To their surprise, 334 of the 375 drivers watched were unable to come to a complete stop and properly continue in the correct order, as stated by the state’s yielding laws. It is because of this, we have decided to assist them in educating the general public on what seems to be a misconceptions on driving law and etiquette. We hope getting out the word out through this simple top ten list will might have some trickle-down-effect as people slowly and gradually pick up on better methods of transportation over those crumbling roads we call home.

Top 10 Things to Remember When Driving in Northfield

1. When 4-way stopping, if your wheels stop rolling before another drivers, you go first. Feel free to post this one of your dash. Please, no more waving cars on.
2. Obey the speed limit. Third means 30, no less. 45 does not mean 41.
3. When a light turns yellow, try to make the light if possible. Slamming on the brakes to avoid being in the intersection when it turns red could cause an accident.
4. If you are old, please don’t drive.
5. If you have any doubt that you were first at a 4-way first stop, just go. No waving or just hesitation please.
6. Feel free to go slower if it’s icing out, not when it’s raining.
7. If you’re a slow driver, please don’t drive.
8. If you’re a senior in high school, write on your car windows and leave it on for a few years.
9. If your vehicle is crappy, just don’t drive it. It just looks tacky.
10. If you ever get caught in a wave-down at a 4-way stop, you know you’re a Northfielder.